Tumbang Lagi: Vertigo Menyerangku

Subuh tadi, 25 September 2026, seketika bumiku berputar lebih cepat dari biasanya. Sepertinya vertigo, batinku. Mata kucoba buka, namun pandanganku bergerak tak berirama. Melihat ke kiri, tiba-tiba tanpa kugerakkan, pandanganku beralih cepat ke kanan. Begitupun sebaliknya. 

Aku mencoba memejamkan lagi tapi tak bisa. Terpejam pun masih terasa warna hitam gelap bergerak cepat juga. Keringat tetiba menyerbak keluar sekujur tubuhku. Aneh, biasanya aku kedinginan. Mengapa ini keringatan hebat?

Aku melangkah keluar kamar. Sempoyongan. Pegangan tembok, pintu, meja, dan apapun yang bisa teraih oleh tanganku. Sampailah aku di tempat kran. Mual, tetapi tak keluar. Kucoba minum segelas air sebagai pancingan. Belum habis segelas, air yang kutelan kembali keluar disertai lendir dalam perutku. Berceceran di sekitar tempat galon. Sudah berusaha lari, tapi tak bisa. Menang muntahku daripada gerak kakiku.

Puas mengeluarkan isi perut. Aku berseancar di internet dengan bertanya ke Google mode AI. Disarankan segera ke IGD untuk mencegah kejadian November 2024 terulang lagi - kesemutan hampir seluruh tubuh. Na’uzubillahi min dzalik.

Ok, kuputuskan membangunkan suami dan memintanya mengantarku ke IGD PKU Muhammadiyah Surakarta. Menurutku, harus ke sana. Database kesehatanku di sana. 

Ketiga anakku masih tidur. Anak pertamaku, suami bangunkan agar tidak panik begitu melihat rumah kok mama & ayahnya tidak ada sekaligus memintanya menjaga adik-adiknya. 

Kami berdua, aku dan suami, pun bergegas. Mobil kunyitku melaju agak cepat dari biasanya. Beberapa bangjo kami trabas, maafkan kami. Kami hanya tak ingin mimpi buruk 2024 terulang lagi. Dalam perjalanan pun berkali-kali aku muntah. Basah celana dan jok mobilku. Biarkan.

Sesampainya di IGD, tanganku pun diinfus.

 

Infus ini untuk memasukkan cairan pereda vertigo dan jaga-jaga kalau nanti harus rawat inap, dokter tidak perlu suntik lagi. Hemat rasa sakit, pringisan.

Alhamdulillah, berangsur baik. Pandanganku yang tadinya berputar-putar seketika berhenti walaupun sempat sekali muntah setelah konsultasi dokter. Muntahan berupa lendir putih bercampur kuning. Asam lambung katanya.

Sudah, istirahat dulu di sini sembari berpikir nanti anak-anak sekolah gimana. Kami putuskan untuk memohon izin ke ustadzah anak-anak karena memang kami berdua tidak bisa mengurus mereka ke sekolah. Mau minta tolong ibuku, ternyata ibu sudah dalam perjalanan ke Njanti mau berenang bersama teman-temannya. Ya sudah, fix: sama dan suami di IGD; ketiga anakku di rumah tidak sekolah dulu.

Setelah lama menunggu, hasil observasi keluar. Aku diperbolehkan rawat jalan. Kami pun pulang. 

Sesampai di rumah, full tidur. Istirahat dan alhamdulillah membaik. Ibuku pun datang. Seperti biasa, selalu datang begitu mengetahui aku sakit. 

Yang paling aku suka dari ibu, ibu selalu mendekati anak-anakku. Menanyai kabar mereka dan larut dalam cerita. Melihat pemandangan ini, cukup menjadi obatku. Langsung sehat dong aku. Aamiin. Alhamdulillahirobbil ‘aalamiin.

Turbinectomy Makes My Breathing Easier

Starting with tingling in the earlobe, ringing in the ears, and recurring dizziness in the same place, namely around the right ear, made my neurologist, Dr Erupsiana, refer me to an ENT doctor, Dr Yan. Three visits later, Dr Yan finally decided to issue a referral letter to the emergency room so that I could undergo a turbinectomy, a medical procedure to remove or reduce the size of enlarged (hypertrophied) nasal turbinates (conchae). The letter was undated, so I could decide when I was ready to receive treatment from Dr Yan.

The considerations were quite tough. My current position involves working and studying. I had to find some truly free time. And I did find that time. And it wasn't by accident. As usual, I don't really remember dates. My students asked me about the lecture process on public holidays, May 14-15, 2026. May 14 is the Ascension of Jesus Christ and May 15 is a joint holiday. Perfect! May 14 is Thursday, and May 15 is Friday, followed by Saturday and Sunday, which are regular holidays. So, I took advantage of the long holiday.

On Thursday afternoon, May 14, 2026, I mustered up the courage to go to the emergency room. My mental state was my primary concern. I would be dealing with needles. An IV, for sure. Yes, there would be blood draws every now and then. Antibiotics and painkillers were administered through a tube, and I still remember the sting. But it was okay. I'd get through it.

After leaving the emergency room, I was taken to the room where I would be staying for three days, Umar bin Khattab A, Class 1, Number 8. This is how it is at PKU Muhammadiyah Surakarta. The rooms are named after Islamic names.

For three days, I wasn't alone; someone accompanied me. My mother and my husband took turns waiting for me.

At least I'm not lonely, even though we're sometimes chatting in our rooms and busy with our own things, each with our own devices. I even carry two gadgets with me: my phone and my laptop. At least I have peace of mind when I have college or work assignments due. Just open one or both devices, retrieve the file, send it, and voilà.

This way, it's like being at home. My entertainment so far has been surfing on the laptop. I can get through a lot of college assignments. I'm the type who does it in installments, not the all-night Wayang. That's tiring. The same goes for work. I also spend time on content; I do everything in installments. I think this is important to avoid getting into the habit of staying up late, which can be detrimental to my health.

The first day, May 14, 2026, was packed in the operating room for the following day at 8 a.m. They were also asked to fast at 2 a.m., so 2 a.m. was the last time to eat and drink before the turbinectomy.

8 a.m. on May 15, 2026, arrived. Half an hour earlier, I was taken to the operating room. The process seemed quick because of the general anaesthesia. Entering the room at 8 a.m., I began to wake up at 10 a.m. and was immediately taken back to the ward. I was still very drowsy from the anaesthesia's effects. The sleepiness completely disappeared around 12 noon. I was able to sit up, drink, eat, and occasionally rub my face because I was starting to see blood spots, remnants of the surgery. The medication also started to arrive and I had to take it. There was no need to write down when to take the medication, like I do at home. Here, just wait for the nurse's signal. Everything was arranged and done.

On the third day, May 16, 2026, I thought I had caught a cold. I've been used to having a stuffy nose for the past few years. After this surgery, it cleared up, allowing more air to flow in, and it even caused a sore throat. So, I wore a mask to keep my nose warm.

It's called adapting from a stuffy nasal cavity to a completely unobstructed one, allowing air to flow in immediately. In the name of God, I hope this adaptation will last a while so I can return to my normal activities.

Finally I Dared to Start My Doctoral Program

On 18 February 2026, two important events awaited me: my first fasting and my first meeting. So, on this date, I came to my new college in a fasting condition. I was extremely excited to attend the Introduction to College Life for New Students event. After getting sahur, I didn't sleep. I do all housework until 06.30 a.m. After that, I prepared myself for coming to that university's event. 

I went there by electric motor. Intentionally, this motor will be used on every fifth Friday when my college implements zero emissions. But, I just want to. It's more relaxed and faster. The important thing is making sure you have a full battery.

I arrived promptly at 07.30. Enthusiasm seems to be in every person whom I meet. It seems we all can't wait to start activity here.

Actually, the time is too early. I was alone. Nobody whom I knew before. So, I just search for an space and then sit.

Although I am lonely, I enjoy this moment. Several times passed, and a master of ceremonies asked us who sat on the last two lines to move forward to the front seat. So, I move. Surprisingly, I sat next to a personal trainer in my Zumba place, Coach Dhia. 

Yeay! Finally, I got a chit-chat friend. I think it can't be boring. With friends, we can share anything and we will not feel alone. Let's process together.

The New Routine: Attending the Public Exam

These two weeks, every Tuesday, I go to campus. Not studying, but attending a sacral, which is eagerly awaited by every doctoral student. There is a happy feeling because this is one of my reasons to go to my new college. Actually, my doctoral activity will be started in February 2026, insyaAllah. But, with the invitation from my friends, Ms. Dita and Mr. Frank, I have felt the new academic atmosphere, which is the same feeling in the same place as when I got my magister study.

Ms. Dita's Photo Session

Mr. Frank's Presentation

There are several reasons for following the public exam. Firstly, the individual feels motivated to accompany and support their friend. Secondly, I am interested in understanding the steps involved in the public exam. Where is yours? If you choose the first reason, congratulations, I judge you to have a social soul. In contrast, if you choose the second, congratulations too; you are a visionary. You haven't had a chance yet, but you've prepared before doctoral study. But, in addition, if you choose the second reason, you are perhaps selfish too. You know the difference, right? Finally, I have come to understand who is truly sincere and who conveys hidden meanings. To get away from it all, I say thanks to Ms. Dita & Mr. Frank for the permission to make me enter your final presentation in doctoral study.

Ms. Anim and I walk into the room.

My Lasik Experience at Jakarta Eye Center - Candi Semarang

I have not made a narration. Maybe later. Wait for my writing. For now, you can watch my video by clicking the link below.

https://youtu.be/BUiFd-aqdu4

Standing Overtime: My Daughter is Sick and Constantly Fussy

I guess every time's gonna be okay. But, I'm not sure. There are several moments that make me collapse. When is it? Yeah, it was while my child was sick. On those days, especially at night, I often have no sleep, like yesterday until today. My third child was sick. She got a high temperature, coughing, and had a cold. Automatically, she doesn't sleep on her bed. So, I must carry her up. While I carried her up and felt she had slept, I tried to hold onto her bed, but she accidentally woke up. Thus, I had to get her up again until the day after. It's been a long time, I must stand and go around my house. Was I tired? Absolutely, but for the sake of my love, my child, I had to do my best until she got well. I usually stand for a long time during my activities in my ex-office. I have had to stand since I started teaching.

Let's Routinely Check Eye Health!

Eye health is essential for this life.  With healthy eyes, we can feel safe at every opportunity. We can more believe in the choices way to someplace. But, not at all agree with my principal choice. There is somebody who chooses not to come to ophthalmologists. The reason is they afraid to know about the changed size of glasses. Even though, It can damage other people. For example, if they use glasses of the wrong size, it will disturb people around them. Notably, they are trusted to drive vehicles, especially at night. Thus, please be aware of our environment and more concerned with eye health. Let's go to ophthalmologists soon near our houses normally once a year.  I'm sorry, I have to remembering you about this because I just had an unpleasant experience. The person who drove me like that phenomenon is people who don't care about eye health.  

The Raging Period of Weaning

Weaning is heavy for most mothers, especially those whose child is still significantly dependent on their mom when it's time to wean. For example, the child must drink from the mom's breast. Moreover, there is no other choice for our child other than breastfeeding breast milk like my third daughter. She didn't like formula milk at all. I have tried some ways to encourage my daughter for getting artificial milk. I started by buying many forms of nipples and bottles. But, it was not a solution. Moreover, my third daughter is so near to me. For two years, I didn't go anywhere because of calamity, Covid-19. So, I felt confused about weaning her.

Alhamdulillah, Allah gave me ease and fluent things. The process of weaning started on Mei 14, 2022 in the morning. That day made my strong intention to not wean again. In fact, I felt tired physically and mentally. About physically tired, could be seen by my new habit in the night every accompanying my daughter in her sleep. As usual, before, I just stand by in sleeping conditions while breasting. For the first-night starting weaning, it didn't happen anymore. I had to assail their assault about her want for getting breastmilk again. I had to bear it since then. If I gave up, It would be a loser and we had to start again on another occasion.

The days before, I read a pedestrian's post on Instagram. In fact, it was very helpful in giving me the motivation to wean my daughter soon. My daughter's birthday is Maret 11, 2020. So, I should start weaning from the same date in 2022, two years after her born day. And it could be real because of my weak motivation. Everyone around me just asked me to wean but did not give me help. I was alone fighting. It was so freaking me out.

I gave thanks to the pedestrian. Finally, I got brave to stop the weaning session. Below, I attached a picture of the weaning process. It looked so heartwarming. She slept on my sling.

Source: Self Document. 2022

Every now and then he wakes up and looks for breasts. Then, I talk to her to give an attention that it was not time to drink breastmilk anymore. I gave her my warm hug again and again. Actually, I was crying in deep at times. But, I had to be strong in front of her. The way which I choose was I prepare mineral water and UHT milk on the table. I also take tomato, food which she likes to eat every day. Indeed, she didn't like the formula milk because she couldn't drink from the bottle with a nipple. She only could drink by sucking from a straw-like picture below.

 Source: Self Document. 2022 

The last, I also provided fun shows she likes. I wish the reader of my blog will get inspiration and motivation to wean their children at the right time.

What a Depression Day!

I referred to the days by their labels. For me, today is the horrible one. This feeling is unique to me, not shared by those around me. I saw a very wide laugh between them. It caused me to lead a life that felt very different from those around me. There is loneliness in the crowd. What a weird person! Why can't I feel their feelings? Simultaneously, I experience their emotions in various ways. 

It's been a long time. I'm still here to feel the same feeling—no changes. Just changing position and it couldn't be a comfortable feeling. I want to quit the acts. I can only present actions that match how I feel. I can't be a hypocrite. I just act and I act based on what I believe.

It's like a trap. Honestly, I used to flee from the harsh reality. In fact, I was running from one harsh reality to another. Now I think, why should I run? If staying quiet and running are the same, I prefer to be silent. At least, it didn't tire me out.

Realistic Dreams

Everyone has something to fight for. There is a dream, a goal in their life. It's about the art of living a life. I have a dream and I really fight for it. However, I don't strive to achieve all my dreams. There are two kinds of dreams: the dream that can be realized and vice versa. Let me ignore my dreams, which can't be realized. Let me focus on my realistic dreams.

Only in Solo

Since I was born, I have just been living life in Solo. Only in Solo. But that meant I would leave Solo. Solo is my final destiny. There are my parents there. I pledge to care for them until the end of our days. I don't know who will die first. As far as I know, death has no age. 

In fact, always living in Solo was not my desire. My father asked me to get an education and work just in this city. I didn't know why he ordered. But I had to obey the policy. Really heavy at first. Add more; there were ridicule from the big family. However, it's amusing nowadays. In my thirties and over, I can go home to meet my daddy and my mommy whenever I want. Thank you.

Fighting My Fear

Everyone has their labels. I'm different from another person. Every person is also different from other people. I call myself an introvert. Do you know about it? It's so distinct with a man or a woman with an extroverted character. An introverted woman like me often hides away the feeling. But I can show my sense after several moments. While I feel something, I think first. Then, I can utter it after I think that my feeling deserved to be expressed. And it needs a long time. 

Yesterday, I was like, "Not me." Easily, I showed my emotions instantly. It was not what I wanted. But I think I must have been a different person yesterday. Do you know why? It is because there was a nosy person who annoyed me openly. Whether I wanted it or not, I had to serve. Was I afraid at that time? Absolutely! But I had to fight my fear. Alhamdulillah, God protected me at that time. 

Dealing with A Curious Person

I've tried to hold the taste for seven years. That feeling was very heavy. A person who is the opposite of me was always around and monitoring my activities. The attack is impossible. The only choice is to eschew for a moment during that time.

The most annoying form of attack is the constant stream of words that come out of people's mouths. I'm used to being a quiet person. I feel disturbed about the naughty and curious people. It so violates my privacy. I tried my best to keep my thoughts private, but they are ultimately just vain concerns. Unexpectedly, a person whom I consider special always answers the question about me. I seldom light chat, so not much information gets out. But there was always an effort to get information from another source. It's really irritating. 

Who's Care?

Everyone hopes their closest friend will be the dearest person whom they have. But the fact is otherwise. No one can't guarantee our happiness. No, every moment of bliss we experience always comes with the cost of other forms of happiness. That's our bliss. It's also applied in our sorrow. Normally, if we feel happy, the people around us do too, and vice versa. The condition is not always normal. So, be happy, be cheerful, and be charmed without being set by the people's response.

Corruption, Between Opportunity and Power

Today, almost all elements of society shout the desire for anti-corruption. Students who are coordinated in campus political organizations with the general public have a strong desire to stop the existing corruption. However. Why is it that the greater the desire to abolish corruption, the more widespread and entrenched it is on every side of life? 

Admit it or not, corruption has blinded every trace of humanity. Corruption has become entrenched in the life of the Indonesian people. This entrenched habit is considered natural, believed to have extraordinary power, and is unavoidable. Moreover, if it is supported by the existence of opportunity and power. 

Corruption is a word that is deeply embedded in people's minds. Hearing the word automatically creates a negative connotation or understanding in our minds. Many cases are in the spotlight of the mass media about this. Very ironic indeed. Society in general does this action, but many of them do not understand that they have done it.

'Corruption' comes from the Latin word 'corruptio.' This word comes from the verb 'corrumpere,' which means rotten, damaged, shaken, twisted, and bribed. From the meaning of the word, it can be found that there are shortcuts in doing something. Thus, corruption is the same as injustice, namely taking something that is not his right, both material and immaterial. The culture of corruption is also the result of an instant culture that occurs today where people do not want to follow a process to achieve a goal. Nowadays people tend to look for shortcuts to achieve something they want.

Corruption is an activity to reduce the dose of something intentionally to get its own enjoyment. The word "corruption" is considered only suitable to be labeled on officials or holders of power, especially those who are in the financial sphere. However, they are not aware that many ordinary people commit corruption. Corruption is not only defined in terms related to money but also all things that allow fraud to be carried out in it. A small example is the corruption of time. In this case, if we are late, we have committed time corruption, which is why almost everyone likes to be late, or meetings are often delayed because people are not on time.

In business, time is money. So when we corrupt time, the same as we corrupt money, right? We see for ourselves the reality that is in front of us; it turns out that corruption has involved many people, both from the upper and lower classes. We are also increasingly concerned and worried about whether the investigation can be carried out thoroughly and fairly.

The culture of corruption seems to have obtained fertile ground because of the soft nature of our society, so that it is permissive to various moral deviations in people's lives. Therefore, corruption is considered an ordinary case that naturally occurs in the lives of the rulers and managers of existing power. Consciously or unconsciously, we are already in a state of concern. However, this abnormality is precisely something that is considered normal and is very difficult to avoid today. For example, we often commit fraud in terms of time, either adding or subtracting time that should be carried out according to the level. Sometimes we often shout the law of the corrupt. Have you ever thought when we speak out loud like that, if we want to be honest, we are also a corruptor "even though what we corrupt does not harm the community," but we are still someone who has done corruption even if only in a small way?

In fact, we have already felt the impact of corruption on a large scale, causing misery together. And a corrupt person is a traitor for the trust that has been given to him. Corruptors are no longer people at the official level, but we could be the corruptors. Wisdom and faith that should underlie us when we have the power and opportunities that allow us to do things that are unlucky. Opportunities to commit corruption exist in every place, job, or task, especially those termed “wet” places. For that, we must always be careful when getting assignments. May we always be alert and not tempted so we can keep the trust that is our duty.

Avoid

Long time no see

How can words

There is a means, but the meaning is lost

I know it's you

You are no longer you

Hey, don't be shy!

It's still me

I'm still like before

It's just, already in the wound

Tired? Don't Rush Home!

Home is really a place to rest. However, don't just rest. If only to rest, our house will be monotonous. At least, don't just make it to lie down, even sleep all day. Live the house with various activities until finally the house has its own impression for the people who live in it.

There are good impressions and some are bad. The best impression is a pleasant impression. Therefore, do not turn off the nuances in the house. Stay at home when it's active. Active people move when the body does support it. If you've been working outside all day, it's natural to be tired. However, don't go home when you're tired. It's okay to be a little tired, but not too much. Some are waiting for us at home and hope that we are always in good shape.

It would be disappointing if those who were waiting for us knew that we were coming, then went to the toilet to clean up. Then, go to the room to lie down even for a while. Those waiting for us expect our active response, our smile, our invitation, and our enthusiasm for activities together. Is it true, activities with him sleeping together? Don't do it!

Let's go home still fresh. If you are really tired, stop by for a moment at a coffee shop, tea, chocolate or favorite food/drink to simply lift the mood so that you are really ready to welcome the meeting that your loved ones have been waiting for. At home of course.

My Phone, My Escape

Every eye looks at various angles, there is a gathering of people. It's good to see them together. That's a sign that they really practice what human needs are as social beings. Every human being needs interaction with other humans. It is very visible from various activities that require or accidentally interact. However, dear a thousand dear. Not infrequently, these eyes encounter a tragic phenomenon. It's tragic when our assumptions turn out to be just assumptions.

Of course, when you see and hear laughter at the same time, it must be because of human-human interaction in a group. It turns out that not all are like that and this may have become something that can be generalized at every meeting, especially at the dinner table. Whether it's breakfast, lunch, dinner, or whenever.

From a distance it's cool. After being approached, in fact wow. Pity. Every human being gathered is cool holding their respective cellphones. Laughing is not with humans around him, but with humans who are interacting through their cellphones.

Maybe the meeting between humans was the result of the small talk through the cellphone "Come on, get together! I miss you!" In fact, once they meet each one is cool with his own world. Even if this is not true, there must be something true. And it's not just about the reunion huh. About meeting family, friends, friends, and any kind of relationship. If you can't talk face-to-face, why meet face-to-face? Sorry for the cellphone, it's just an escape because humans are no longer good at talking face to face without media.

Inikah Jembatan Penentuan?

Hamparan berkubang-kubang

Lilitan panjang mencincang

Debu pun bertebaran

Tak sirna juang melawan

Lelah...

Lelah aku melangkah

Berbongkah-bongkah batu merayu

Semangat yang kian layu

Satu…dua…tiga…

Langkahku pun terpaku

Pikirku...

Bukan fatamorgana

Ini nyata

Mau tak mau

Aku harus lewati jembatan itu

Tanpa ragu

Walau berjuta-juta rintangan menghalauku

Anganku...

Aku datang untukmu

*) Pernah tayang di Harian Umum Solopos

Mengapa Anak tidak Akrab dengan Ibunya?

sumber gambar: lisanuraeni.com

Pertanyaan yang aneh memang, tapi ini nyata adanya. Ini berawal dari lamanya aku meninggalkan anak-anakku untuk urusan selain mendampingi mereka. Misalnya, urusan rumah tangga dan tempat kerja. Kadang setelah lamanya meninggalkan mereka. Lama di sini tidak berhari-hari, melainkan hanya beberapa jam. Namun, bagi orang yang sedang cinta-cintanya jam itu bagai dalam hitungan hari, bulan, bahkan tahun.

Hidup itu pilihan. Bagi seorang wanita ada dua pilihan: itu rumah tangga fokus mengurus anak, ibu rumah tanga bekerja dari rumah, atau ibu rumah tanga yang beverja di luar rumah. Mengapa saya sertakan saturan tiga kata "ibu rumah tanga" di setiap pilihan? Untuk menegaskan bahwa menjadi ibu rumah tangga itu kewajiban, bukan pilihan.

Setiap pilihan tentunya ada konsekuensinya. Mau pilih yang mana? Tingginya tingkat konsekuensi tergantung pemilihnya. Ada yang mengatakan lebih enak pilihan A, ada yang mengatakan lebih enak yang pilihan B, ada pula yang mengatakan lebih enak yang pilihan C. Begitulah pilihan, sujektif.

Pilihan yang dipilih oleh seorang wanita biasanya menggunakan kadar pertimbangan kebutuhan anak. Kebutuhan anak pun ada jenisnya: kedekatan dan kecukupan, bahkan kelebihan materi. Jika memilih kedekatan, maka bisa jadi mengorbankan kecukupan materi. Sebaliknya jika memilih kecukupan (kelebihan) materi, bisa jadi mengorbankan kedekatan dengan ananda. Lucunya, ada yang sudah cukup bahkan lebih akan materi, tetap saja mengorbankan kedekatan dengan ananda. Mengapa demikian? Banyak faktor. Masing-masing wanita punya alasannya sendiri. Akhirnya, kedekatan dengan ananda yang dikorbankan. Ya, kembali ke hidup pilihan tadi dan kita ingat kembali pelajaran ekonomi tentang biaya peluang (opportunity cost) yang menjelaskan bahwa setiap pilihan yang dipilih akan mengorbankan pilihan yang tidak dipilih.