Finally I Dared to Start My Doctoral Program

On 18 February 2026, two important events awaited me: my first fasting and my first meeting. So, on this date, I came to my new college in a fasting condition. I was extremely excited to attend the Introduction to College Life for New Students event. After getting sahur, I didn't sleep. I do all housework until 06.30 a.m. After that, I prepared myself for coming to that university's event. 

I went there by electric motor. Intentionally, this motor will be used on every fifth Friday when my college implements zero emissions. But, I just want to. It's more relaxed and faster. The important thing is making sure you have a full battery.

I arrived promptly at 07.30. Enthusiasm seems to be in every person whom I meet. It seems we all can't wait to start activity here.

Actually, the time is too early. I was alone. Nobody whom I knew before. So, I just search for an space and then sit.

Although I am lonely, I enjoy this moment. Several times passed, and a master of ceremonies asked us who sat on the last two lines to move forward to the front seat. So, I move. Surprisingly, I sat next to a personal trainer in my Zumba place, Coach Dhia. 

Yeay! Finally, I got a chit-chat friend. I think it can't be boring. With friends, we can share anything and we will not feel alone. Let's process together.

The New Routine: Attending the Public Exam

These two weeks, every Tuesday, I go to campus. Not studying, but attending a sacral, which is eagerly awaited by every doctoral student. There is a happy feeling because this is one of my reasons to go to my new college. Actually, my doctoral activity will be started in February 2026, insyaAllah. But, with the invitation from my friends, Ms. Dita and Mr. Frank, I have felt the new academic atmosphere, which is the same feeling in the same place as when I got my magister study.

Ms. Dita's Photo Session

Mr. Frank's Presentation

There are several reasons for following the public exam. Firstly, the individual feels motivated to accompany and support their friend. Secondly, I am interested in understanding the steps involved in the public exam. Where is yours? If you choose the first reason, congratulations, I judge you to have a social soul. In contrast, if you choose the second, congratulations too; you are a visionary. You haven't had a chance yet, but you've prepared before doctoral study. But, in addition, if you choose the second reason, you are perhaps selfish too. You know the difference, right? Finally, I have come to understand who is truly sincere and who conveys hidden meanings. To get away from it all, I say thanks to Ms. Dita & Mr. Frank for the permission to make me enter your final presentation in doctoral study.

Ms. Anim and I walk into the room.

My Lasik Experience at Jakarta Eye Center - Candi Semarang

I have not made a narration. Maybe later. Wait for my writing. For now, you can watch my video by clicking the link below.

https://youtu.be/BUiFd-aqdu4

Standing Overtime: My Daughter is Sick and Constantly Fussy

I guess every time's gonna be okay. But, I'm not sure. There are several moments that make me collapse. When is it? Yeah, it was while my child was sick. On those days, especially at night, I often have no sleep, like yesterday until today. My third child was sick. She got a high temperature, coughing, and had a cold. Automatically, she doesn't sleep on her bed. So, I must carry her up. While I carried her up and felt she had slept, I tried to hold onto her bed, but she accidentally woke up. Thus, I had to get her up again until the day after. It's been a long time, I must stand and go around my house. Was I tired? Absolutely, but for the sake of my love, my child, I had to do my best until she got well. I usually stand for a long time during my activities in my ex-office. I have had to stand since I started teaching.

Let's Routinely Check Eye Health!

Eye health is essential for this life.  With healthy eyes, we can feel safe at every opportunity. We can more believe in the choices way to someplace. But, not at all agree with my principal choice. There is somebody who chooses not to come to ophthalmologists. The reason is they afraid to know about the changed size of glasses. Even though, It can damage other people. For example, if they use glasses of the wrong size, it will disturb people around them. Notably, they are trusted to drive vehicles, especially at night. Thus, please be aware of our environment and more concerned with eye health. Let's go to ophthalmologists soon near our houses normally once a year.  I'm sorry, I have to remembering you about this because I just had an unpleasant experience. The person who drove me like that phenomenon is people who don't care about eye health.  

The Raging Period of Weaning

Weaning is heavy for most mothers, especially those whose child is still significantly dependent on their mom when it's time to wean. For example, the child must drink from the mom's breast. Moreover, there is no other choice for our child other than breastfeeding breast milk like my third daughter. She didn't like formula milk at all. I have tried some ways to encourage my daughter for getting artificial milk. I started by buying many forms of nipples and bottles. But, it was not a solution. Moreover, my third daughter is so near to me. For two years, I didn't go anywhere because of calamity, Covid-19. So, I felt confused about weaning her.

Alhamdulillah, Allah gave me ease and fluent things. The process of weaning started on Mei 14, 2022 in the morning. That day made my strong intention to not wean again. In fact, I felt tired physically and mentally. About physically tired, could be seen by my new habit in the night every accompanying my daughter in her sleep. As usual, before, I just stand by in sleeping conditions while breasting. For the first-night starting weaning, it didn't happen anymore. I had to assail their assault about her want for getting breastmilk again. I had to bear it since then. If I gave up, It would be a loser and we had to start again on another occasion.

The days before, I read a pedestrian's post on Instagram. In fact, it was very helpful in giving me the motivation to wean my daughter soon. My daughter's birthday is Maret 11, 2020. So, I should start weaning from the same date in 2022, two years after her born day. And it could be real because of my weak motivation. Everyone around me just asked me to wean but did not give me help. I was alone fighting. It was so freaking me out.

I gave thanks to the pedestrian. Finally, I got brave to stop the weaning session. Below, I attached a picture of the weaning process. It looked so heartwarming. She slept on my sling.

Source: Self Document. 2022

Every now and then he wakes up and looks for breasts. Then, I talk to her to give an attention that it was not time to drink breastmilk anymore. I gave her my warm hug again and again. Actually, I was crying in deep at times. But, I had to be strong in front of her. The way which I choose was I prepare mineral water and UHT milk on the table. I also take tomato, food which she likes to eat every day. Indeed, she didn't like the formula milk because she couldn't drink from the bottle with a nipple. She only could drink by sucking from a straw-like picture below.

 Source: Self Document. 2022 

The last, I also provided fun shows she likes. I wish the reader of my blog will get inspiration and motivation to wean their children at the right time.

What a Depression Day!

I referred to the days by their labels. For me, today is the horrible one. This feeling is unique to me, not shared by those around me. I saw a very wide laugh between them. It caused me to lead a life that felt very different from those around me. There is loneliness in the crowd. What a weird person! Why can't I feel their feelings? Simultaneously, I experience their emotions in various ways. 

It's been a long time. I'm still here to feel the same feeling—no changes. Just changing position and it couldn't be a comfortable feeling. I want to quit the acts. I can only present actions that match how I feel. I can't be a hypocrite. I just act and I act based on what I believe.

It's like a trap. Honestly, I used to flee from the harsh reality. In fact, I was running from one harsh reality to another. Now I think, why should I run? If staying quiet and running are the same, I prefer to be silent. At least, it didn't tire me out.